Who Is Your Favorite President Riding A Dinosaur?

“Dad?” my son asks, looking at me from the other end of the couch, “who’s your favorite president?”

I look up from my book. It’s out of nowhere, and pretty obviously a “dad, pay attention to me” kind of question, and it’s hit me out of left field. “Well, I don’t…” I start to say.

“Only he has to be riding a dinosaur!” my son adds. “And it can be any dinosaur you want, as long as it’s real!”

How on earth do you answer that?

We’re dying to find that out, really.

All right. So, clearly this is a two-part question. “Who is my favorite president?”, and then “what is my favorite dinosaur that someone could read?” How hard could this be?

The internet never fails to deliver

Who is your favorite president?

That… is a really good question. I could easily list my top two or three least favorite presidents, but I’ve never really thought about which one of them is my favorite. I will say I’ve got an unreasonable soft spot in my heart for Ronald Reagan, mostly because the 1978 Carter vs. Reagan election is the first one I really paid any attention to, and I was seven years old (the same age as my son), and my mom was a Reagan Republican and my dad was a Reagan Democrat. So, yeah. There was an influence there, because when you’re seven years old your parents are the smartest and best people in the whole planet.

My political views have shifted since I was seven. Still, it’s hard not to remember him fondly through the lens of childhood memory.

So, it’s Ronald Reagan?

I don’t think so, not really.  Despite that picture up there of him riding some variety of velociraptor.

Then who?

See, that’s tricky. It’s easy to look back in history, and see problems – often huge problems – with any or all of the presidents. They were, after all, human beings with an interest in becoming (arguably) the most powerful single man in the country (and, particularly in the late 20th century, the world). That sort of man tends to have a number of less-than-admirable characteristics. Particularly if you don’t agree with his policies.

But, clearly, I need to make a choice. So, after doing some thinking, I’ll go (this time, at least) with Lyndon B. Johnson because of the things he accomplished as president.

Lyndon B. Johnson?

Lyndon Johnson was the 36th president of the United States, born August 27, 1908 near Johnson City, Texas. He was elected to the House of Representatives in 1937, served in the Navy in World War II, and then was elected to the Senate in 1948 (becoming the Senate minority Leader in 1953, and then the Senate Majority Leader in 1954). He served as John F. Kennedy’s running mate in 1960, and became president on November 22, 1963 after President Kennedy was assassinated. As president, he ran again and was reelected with 61% of the popular vote.

What did he do, to earn the position of my current favorite president? Well, here’s what his bio on Whitehouse.gov says:

First he obtained enactment of the measures President Kennedy had been urging at the time of his death–a new civil rights bill and a tax cut. Next he urged the Nation “to build a great society, a place where the meaning of man’s life matches the marvels of man’s labor.” In 1964, Johnson won the Presidency with 61 percent of the vote and had the widest popular margin in American history–more than 15,000,000 votes.

The Great Society program became Johnson’s agenda for Congress in January 1965: aid to education, attack on disease, Medicare, urban renewal, beautification, conservation, development of depressed regions, a wide-scale fight against poverty, control and prevention of crime and delinquency, removal of obstacles to the right to vote. Congress, at times augmenting or amending, rapidly enacted Johnson’s recommendations. Millions of elderly people found succor through the 1965 Medicare amendment to the Social Security Act.

Johnson also signed the Outer Space Treaty in January 1967, banning the use of nuclear weapons in earth orbit, on the moon, on other planets, and in deep space. He further signed the Nuclear Non-proliferation Treaty in 1968, committing the US to a policy of prohibiting the transfer of nuclear weapons to other nations, and began the negotiations that returned the Panama Canal Zone to Panama.

Pretty awesome, in my opinion, but not perfect. He dragged out the Vietnam War as well, and sent US Marines into the Dominican Republic to support the leader of a coup against the leaders of a coup against the democratically elected president of that country, when the people of that country rose up against the leaders of the coup. Neither of those things were what you’d call good things, but any president you care to name will have similar blemishes on his record – with the possible exception of William Henry Harrison, who didn’t manage to serve long enough to do anything particularly bad. As president, at least.  So, at this time, I’ll say Johnson still did some pretty good things for the country and say he’s my (current) favorite.

Fair enough. Now, what about dinosaurs?

Microraptor!

This is even trickier, because I love dinosaurs. All of them. Fortunately, I can narrow the field a little. The question, after all, states that the president has to ride the dinosaur, so I can rule out something like microraptor. The four wings are pretty cool, but it’s the size of a smallish chicken. You’d need hundreds of the things pulling a chariot, and that loses something quickly.

Actually, I tell a lie. It’s not tricky in the slightest. Because, no matter what, my favorite dinosaur is and always has been the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Ah. The Tyrant Lizard King.

Oh, yeah.

Tyrannosaurus was always my favorite, from an early age. I mean, sure. I liked Triceratops and Stegosaurus as well, and I love some of the new dinosaurs that have been found over the past few decades, and Deinonychus caught my attention because my very first ever issue of National Geographic had a big article about the fossils of that brand new (to me, at least) dinosaur. But, at the end of the day, the idea of being a massive bipedal carnivore named the Tyrant Lizard King was awesome to my youthful mind and that feeling has never gone away.

Tell us about it.

Tyrannosaurus rex, based on recovered specimens, was a massive bipedal carnivore. Like, 12.3 meters (40 feet) long, 3.66 meters (12 feet) tall at the hips, and anywhere from 8.4 to 14 metric tons in weight. It was one of the largest land predators ever, and most paleontologists agree that it was an active predator that – like modern active predators – wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to chase other animals away from carrion and chow down as well. Their skulls are nearly as long as I am tall (I’m 6′ 5′ and their skulls were 5 feet long), and their teeth were foot long “lethal bananas”.

Well, maybe not every single tooth. But they still had some giant teeth.

They probably had feathers as well.

“I’m an utterly FABULOUS Tyrant Lizard King, baby!”

Yes, yes, I’m aware of the recent paper in Biology Letters (Tyrannosauroid integument reveals conflicting patterns of gigantism and feather evolution), indicating that they had scaly skin.  Early tyrannosauroids did have feathers, but the abstract states that “extensive feather coverings observed in some early tyrannosauroids were lost by the Albian”(the Albian being a stratigraphic layer and a period of time roughly 113 to 100 million years ago).  So, it’s unlikely at this point that T. rex was that fabulously fluffy thing in the image above, but the Smithsonian article on the paper (since the paper itself is paywalled) states that the authors indicate that T. rex still had plumage on it’s back.  Much more punk than New Wave, in other words. Still, I like to imagine them as 12 meter birds of paradise – which tells you everything you need to know about the way my mind works.

Which means..?

In answer to my son’s question, let’s saddle up Lyndon B. Johnson on a fabulous black and electric blue feathered Tyrannosaurus rex and do an elaborate ritual dance to celebrate the passage of the Civil Rights Act.

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